A partner delaying marriage over debt highlights how finances are shaping modern relationships

A Ramsey Show call is raising questions about what it actually means to be financially ready for marriage, and whether debt should ever be the deciding factor.

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships. A gap in income, a difference in spending habits, or one partner carrying significant debt can change how a couple interacts and moves forward in a relationship. Recently, a woman on The Ramsey Show shared a similar experience, leaving many people surprised while also offering a valuable lesson to everyone.

A 26-year-old nurse called into The Ramsey Show to talk about her financial situation. She has $90,000 in student loans, which she has worked hard to reduce from $160,000 since graduating in December 2023. Her boyfriend, who makes $250,000 a year, had told her he wouldn’t propose to her until she was completely debt-free. While she worked hard to pay off her loans, he covered all their rent.

Dave Ramsey, the show’s host, said that if she were his daughter, he would advise her: “Dump him”. His reasoning was that the boyfriend seemed to be making her prove her worth with money, as if she had to earn her place in the relationship. They also lived together, which further complicates the situation.

Ramsey shared that since her boyfriend pays for the rent while she focuses on her loans, they were already acting like a married couple without committing to each other. This makes it less likely for her boyfriend to propose, because their arrangement works well for him as it is. Co-host Jade Warshaw also mentioned that living together binds them financially, making it harder for her to leave if they needed to.

Ramsey has long held the belief that debt itself should not ruin a marriage or relationship. Instead, he believes that a couple who works together to handle their debts is in a stronger position than a couple without debt who disagree on financial matters. He also mentioned that financial problems are a common cause of divorces. In the end, Ramsey advised her to seek marriage counseling to help them both understand the importance of aligning their values and finances, or they might need to consider parting ways, as it seemed her boyfriend valued money more than her.

People had a lot to say about this situation

Many sided with the boyfriend, saying he is already helping her. One person wrote, “If he is paying the rent and all the bills, then he is already paying her student loans because her income that would be going to 50/50 bills, goes to the loans.” The boyfriend’s financial support is actually making it easier for her to pay off her loans, which would have been difficult for her on her own.

Many felt there was nothing wrong with wanting to sort out financial responsibilities before getting married. One person wrote, “He wants her to be responsible for her debt. His boundary. They can marry as equals when the debt is gone.”

However, not everyone agreed with the boyfriend’s stance. Someone said, “I feel like even if she paid off the debt, he still wouldn’t marry her.” Another person shared an experience similar to the girlfriend’s situation. They said, “My wife had debt before we got married. We got married, and we paid off her and my debt together.” Many couples talk about managing finances in a relationship, which helps them understand each other’s situations, and they move forward accordingly. Avoiding one thing altogether, however, is not a solution to sort out the financial issues.

How finances are shaping modern relationships

Money has become one of the main drivers of relationship decisions today. Many couples are delaying marriage because they have debt to deal with. Others choose to stay in unhappy relationships because they rely on their partner for financial support, like help with rent or other expenses. Often, couples don’t realize how much their financial situation affects their relationship until they reach a difficult point.

Financial disagreements are powerful predictors of divorce in the United States, with around 20% to 40% of marriages breaking apart due to these issues. These problems often stem from not having important conversations about money, making assumptions about what each person expects, and depending on one another without discussing problems until a serious issue arises.

It has become more important than ever for couples to sort out their financial matters, whether it’s managing debt, spending wisely, or saving for the future, to prevent it from impacting their relationship.

When one partner pays for the home while the other focuses solely on paying off debts, it can lead to more than just changes in their bank accounts. It can affect personal decisions as well, such as whether to commit to marriage or if it can work in the long run. It’s hard to walk away from a relationship if it means losing a place to live and disrupting a repayment plan that’s actually working.

Often, couples figure out where to live together before discussing how they will share expenses like rent, debt, and savings. By the time they have to address these issues, the financial situation is already set, making it harder to make any changes.

Before moving in together, both partners need to be open about their financial responsibilities, such as what each person owes, how to split expenses, and what to do if one person earns much more than the other. There’s no one right way to manage finances, but if the couple doesn’t sit down and talk, it can lead to conflicts. While debt shouldn’t be a deal-breaker in marriage, couples can discuss how to manage it and work together toward a brighter future.